Emma -
Respecting Others' Feelings

We learn in Emma that Mr Woodhouse was "never able to suppose that other people could feel differently from himself". In what ways as the novel progresses, does Jane Austen develop the theme of respecting other people's feelings?

Because Mr Woodhouse was "never able to suppose that other people could feel differently from himself" his family and friends had to make arrangements according to his wishes, sometimes at great inconvenience to themselves. It is this fact, that a lack of respect for other people's feelings can cause others distress, which Jane Austen highlights throughout the novel. This theme is largely fleshed out in Emma's moral progress through the novel and through constant contrast of Emma's behaviour with that of Mr George Knightley (Mr Knightley), who is Austen's role model. The behaviour of the minor characters of the novel also afford Austen an opportunity to further develop the theme.

A respect for other people's feelings results in a polite consideration for them which guides our behaviour at all times. But a distinction should be drawn between polite consideration as a requirement of social etiquette and as a sincere courtesy. The former is expected of us, meaningless (at times hypocritical) and not a sign of respect for other people's feelings though it is often a social necessity to keep up appearances. On the other hand, the latter reveals genuine compassion and empathy which is commendable. Emma clearly displays both types of behaviour when she visits the Bateses after the Box Hill outing. Her initial enquiry after Jane Fairfax arose out of politeness and a desire to get Miss Bates started on a pet topic. However, when she learns of Jane Fairfax's sufferings and impending removal, Emma felt "nothing but pity" and "spoke as she felt, with earnest regret and solitude". Emma's quick transition from one mode of behaviour to another shows how difficult it is to distinguish between the two and the importance of making such a distinction in our judgment of the characters.

As the novel is entitled Emma, it is fitting that this theme is developed through Emma's moral progress. Emma begins the novel as an individual who wants the world to be exciting and reinvents it as such (eg. Jane Fairfax-Mr Dixon, Harriet Smith-Mr Elton, etc.). Her incredible self-absorption and scanty respect for other people's feelings prevents her from seeing the autonomy of other people. Once, as she is waiting for Harriet to finish her purchases at Ford's, she goes to the door for amusement. She views the scene of "the butcher ... a tidy old woman ... two curs ... and ... dawdling children" with complete detachment, equating it with "seeing nothing". She believes that hers is "a mind lively and at ease" which "can see nothing that does not answer" in the form of amusement, with no need for stimulus from the outside world. But gradually, Emma learns through painful experiences to reorder her imaginations. She stops creating a world in her head and respects the fact that people have perceptions and a programming outside her own mind.

In this process, Mr Knightley is the one who guides Emma in her progress through his admonishments and through his own exemplary behaviour. Mr Knightley is always considerate and respectful of other people's wishes. Although he was against the idea of a ball at the Crown, he "showed no triumphant happiness" and was "sorry for the disappointment of the others" when it had to be put off. More importantly, he has the imagination to see things from other people's point of view and regulates his behaviour accordingly where Emma imposes her imagination on them. As Austen charts Emma's moral progress, she uses this contrast with Emma's behaviour to show what Emma's behaviour ought to be and how far she is from attaining it. Thus, Austen develops the theme as Emma progressively learns how to respect other people's feelings.

Emma simply cannot put herself in the position of another person and so cannot respect that person's feelings. Her snobbery is a cause of this. Her abrupt dismissal of Robert Martin and his family as members of the yeomanry who are "precisely the order of people with whom [she] ... can have nothing to do with" is typical of her. She disregards the fact that working class people are human beings as well who have feelings. In contrast, Mr Knightley respects the Martins as hardworking people and has "a thorough regard" for them, especially Robert Martin whom he sees as "a respectable, intelligent gentleman-farmer". Mr Knightley and Robert Martin are both aware of class distinctions, but the existence of mutual respect for each other's feelings makes such a friendship possible where Emma scorns the latter. At this point, Emma and Mr Knightley are diametric opposites. But Austen lays the foundation for the development of the theme. Where Emma fails, Mr Knightley shows the way.

Austen then goes on to show the repercussions of not respecting other people's feelings. When Emma self-righteously "could not forgive" Jane Fairfax for being "disgustingly, ... suspiciously reserved", her disregard for Jane Fairfax's feelings results in her never being admitted into Jane Fairfax's confidence. When Emma unperturbedly "mortifie(s)" Harriet Smith by running down Robert Martin ("I never knew he could be so clownish".) and condescendingly presumes that "the girl who could be gratified by Robert Martin ... might very well be conquered by Mr Elton's admiration", she creates the opportunity for Harriet to be her rival in love and for Mr Elton to think himself her lover. What was important to Emma was that "she had already satisfied herself", but her failure to respect other people's feelings resulted in a less than satisfactory situation. However, where Emma was disgusted, Mr Knightley saw that Jane Fairfax's reserve "arose from discretion"; where Emma was hurtful, Mr Knightley "took some pains ... to get acquainted with [Harriet]"; where Emma sees only "perfect good temper and good will", Mr Knightley perceived that Mr Elton "d(id) not mean to throw himself away" in an imprudent match. Mr Knightley attempts to correct Emma and impress on her the regard that is due to others, but it appears to be all in vain. Thus, Austen goes on to demonstrate how Emma suffers the consequences of inconsideration for the feelings of others.

In the final stages of Emma's progress, Austen displays how Emma painfully learns respect for others. It is only after the distressing incident at Box Hill that Emma learns to respect Miss Bates' feelings. Emma cruelly pokes fun at the Miss Bates' habit of incessant chattering and is unpardonably rude in pointing out that the latter "will be limited as to number" when saying something in the game that they are playing. Emma does not realise the full import of what she has done initially and tries to laugh it off. But Mr Knightley makes Emma see that Miss Bates "felt [Emma's] full meaning" and shows Emma how unbecoming her behaviour was for someone in her position. Mr Knightley's censure awakens Emma to how "she had been often remiss" and how that opens herself to the ill opinion of those she values. This is a watershed moment for Emma. After this Emma is determined to maintain a "regular, equal, kindly intercourse" with the Bateses and becomes more conscious of her own behaviour to others.

Similarly, Emma's past intimacy with Harriet was based on the service that Harriet did for Emma in bringing excitement into Emma's life. Emma's ego became used to feeding on Harriet's weak and subservient nature. But Emma is shocked to find that Harriet has life and feeling outside Emma's imaginings. Emma becomes terribly upset when she discovers that Harriet has her heart set on Mr Knightley. From then, Emma is forced to respect Harriet's feelings and take them into account when deciding her conduct.

Emma's moral progress is evident in her final acceptance of Robert Martin. She could now acknowledge that Harriet had always liked Robert Martin and felt "it would be a great pleasure to know Robert Martin". More significant is the encouragement she gives Mr Knightley to speak openly in spite of the anticipation of the pain she would feel in hearing him speak of Harriet. Realising that to him, a "state of indecision" would be intolerable, Emma decides to be a friend, "cost her what it would", out of respect for his feelings. Emma has finally learnt to be less self-centred.

In all this, Austen has developed the theme. It only remains for it to be supported in the behaviour of the minor characters as well. The characters exhibit a lack of respect for one another's feelings in varying degrees. Miss Bates and Mr Weston are the least offensive of the lot. While Miss Bates has an involuntary bad habit of ceaseless babbling, Mr Weston has an excess of goodwill which is often misdirected. Miss Bates insists on reading Jane Fairfax's every letter to all of her visitors (much to the horror of Emma) and Mr Weston's hospitable acts such as offering to lodge everyone at his house and planning to hold a ball at his home is a source of constant distress to his wife. Though both Miss Bates and Mr Weston are motivated by goodwill, their lack of consideration for others opens them to Emma's rudeness and sarcasm. That becomes a sign of Austen's disapproval of their behaviour.

Ironically, both Mr Woodhouse and Mr John Knightley are guilty of the same degree of disrespect for other people's feelings. They are more culpable than Miss Bates and Mr Weston in that they not only disregard the feelings of others but also impose their own feelings and views on those around them. Mr Woodhouse dictates the type of food and the time of every activity of those around him (especially Emma's) while Mr John Knightley's feelings "must always be of great importance to his companions". As a result, both of them often come into conflict with each other over how Mr John Knightley should conduct the affairs of his family. In this, Mr John Knightley displays a "want of respectful forbearance to Mr Woodhouse", but Mr Woodhouse makes up for his idiosyncrasy by a "general benevolence of temper, and a strong habit of regard for every old acquaintance". Nonetheless, the antics of these two characters cause great trouble to their family and friends, which is as the theme suggests.

More reprehensible than those already mentioned is Frank Churchill. He blatantly disregards Jane Fairfax's feelings in making her agree to a secret engagement when he has no idea how to fulfil his promise. Having induced Jane to place herself in a situation of great difficulty for his sake, it should be his first object to prevent her from suffering unnecessarily. Instead he "behave(s) ... with objectionable particularity to another woman" in the presence of Jane Fairfax and further aggravates the situation by his "shameful, insolent neglect" of Jane Fairfax while he is in Highbury. He also slights Emma's feelings in cheerfully assuming that she is aware of the real state of affairs. Besides wounding Jane Fairfax, Frank Churchill creates the chance for Emma to be hurt as well. Thus, Austen shows how the magnitude of the repercussions are proportionate to the degree to which he ignored the feelings of the two women.

The most objectionable behaviour in the novel comes from the Eltons. In the beginning when Mr Elton is courting Emma, he shows a total disregard for other people's feelings in his endeavour to please Emma, going to the extent of directly contradicting their opinions of Emma's portrait of Harriet. Mrs Elton on the other hand is "a vain woman, ... thinking much of her own importance". Her presumption and ease provokes "outrage and indignation" in Emma. But these offences are minor as compared to the pleasure the couple takes at the humiliation of Harriet at the ball. When asked to dance with Harriet, Mr Elton declines, claiming that he is "an old married man". Their delight can be seen in the "smiles of high glee (that) passed between husband and wife". Besides embarrassing Harriet, they have also mortified Mrs Weston by this inconsiderate act. That their attempt to upset Harriet and slight Emma was deliberate makes them doubly blameworthy. It is obvious that Austen disapproves of their behaviour because she allows their ploy to be upstaged by Mr Knightley. With that, Austen concludes the development of the theme by demonstrating that such behaviour does not pay.

In conclusion, though the theme is mainly developed through characterisation as the novel progresses, the theme is highlighted through the ironies and humour of the novel. For example it is ironic that Mr Knightley is more considerate of Mr Woodhouse than Mr John Knightley. The latter is expected to be more respectful of Mr Woodhouse's feelings as the son-in-law. The humour of Mr Elton's proposal to Emma is another example. It is comical for the reader to see the usually composed Emma losing control over her faculties as she is 'assaulted' by a sickly sentimental and pretentious Mr Elton. At the same time, Austen gives the reader a chance to perceive that Emma is totally oblivious to Mr Elton's feelings of wounded pride as she cruelly rebuffs him. Thus, the theme is indirectly emphasised throughout the novel.

By the end of the novel, Austen has established the importance of respecting other people's feelings, for neglect in this area makes for unpleasantness and bad feeling. The characters have also learnt to be more considerate and thus create the happiness that they desire.