EVERLASTING BONDS
An Original Fiction By Cass
This is the first of what I’m going to call ‘DREAMING OF YOU’ series. All are going to be original stories that are based off my dreams. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a very active imagination, one that will probably not lose out to Ally McBeal’s. (Though I haven’t seen any dancing babies yet.) And yes, I do remember my dreams in vivid detail.
Anyway, this is a het & slash story. So those of you who can’t stand the thought of two males getting it on, stay clear, lest you get drawn into the Gay Side of the Force. ^_^ This story is based in Singapore. Our protagonists are Chinese teenagers, aged 16, studying in Junior College. All my other notes are found at the end of the story.
C&C are most welcome. Send them to chiaty@singnet.com.sg
Website: Http://web.singnet.com.sg/~chiaty
Thanks have to be given to GSL my valued pre-reader. She doesn’t read slash fics but she is still willing to be my pre-reader. ^_^
And thanks to my mom, who after being forced to listen to me ramble on about my dreams, finally said, "Why don’t you write it?"
* * * * *
"Class, turn to page 50 of your textbook. Kim, can you read it for us?"
Curtis stifled a yawn as he droned out the monotonous voice. He idly tapped his blue pen against the open book as he glanced at his classmates. There was Claire, beautiful and untouchable, sitting one seat to the left and front of him. She twirled a lock of her ebony hair that reached past her waist, and then checked it for spilt ends. "That’s so cute," thought Curtis with a smile.
"That’s a sure sign of how far gone, you are, Curtis," teased a voice in his head, that sounded suspiciously like his best friend, Zack.
But Claire was so cool. In a time when every girl and half the boys in his school are dyeing or highlighting their hair to emulate their Western idols, Claire steadfastly kept her hair in the natural Chinese colour. She wasn’t a slave to fashion, unlike the other girls he knew. And of course, it didn’t hurt that her strong character came in a beautiful package.
Claire suddenly turned back and smiled at him. He felt his lips curl into a huge idiotic grin in reply. She rolled her eyes and gestured furtively with one hand. He puzzled momentarily over the strange action until he heard the aborted giggling from his classmate sitting next to him. "She was smiling to her friend, you dummy!" admonished his internal voice. Embarrassed, he quickly turned his attention to the other person in this classroom, whom he cared about - Zack.
Now Zack, was a strange one. He didn’t have to study hard to get good grades, unlike Curtis. But Zack never cared about getting As, in fact he was content to get all Bs (which he did for every single test). During class, he would either be catching forty winks, letting his long fringe flop over his eyes as a camouflage or be like right now, SMSing away. That was in total contrast from Curtis’ own character. However, they were as close as two peas in a pod since meeting on the first day of orientation last year. Curtis’ sister would have said something romantic and lame, like they were soul mates, destined to find each other no matter how great the distance or however long it took. The meeting of two halves of the same soul or some drivel like that. But Curtis wasn’t the type to bother about labels. They were best buds and that was that.
Right now, his best bud was going to land himself into trouble, though. The English teacher was walking purposefully towards Zack, her entire body posture screamed that she was on the warpath. The entire class fell silent as they watched the scene unfold. "Zack!" she yelled when she reached his desk.
Zack looked up, with an insolent expression on his face. And pressed the ‘send’ button on his handphone in plain sight of their teacher.
"That’s it! Zack, I’m confiscating your handphone! March yourself down to the principal’s office and wait for me there! Now!"
A few students snickered but quickly ducked their heads down when the teacher glared at them. Zack stood up and walked towards the exit, whispering ‘Don’t worry," as he passed a worried Curtis.
* * * * *
Curtis cornered Zack during their lunch break. "So what’s the punishment?"
"Detention this afternoon, " Zack nonchalantly replied.
"You are asking for it, aren’t you?" Curtis questioned as he followed Zack into the canteen. "You know she hates you, why do you keep giving her ammunition to punish you? You into S&M shit?" They sat down in an oblong table for ten, sharing seats with
four other schoolmates. "And who were you SMSing?"
A cool gaze met Curtis’ heated stare. "Check your handphone."
Puzzled, Curtis pulled out his handphone from his backpack and switched it on. A "message box full’ sign was blinking. He pressed a few buttons to read the earliest message. A lame joke from Zack at 9:42 am. He deleted it and quickly skimmed through the other sixteen messages. Jokes and random thoughts about class all from Zack at intermittent times since the first class this morning.
He turned to face Zack, not sure of what to say, but Zack had disappeared. He pursed his lips in annoyance and quickly deleted the messages. His handphone beeped twice, signalling a new SMS.
‘1 2 c new Highlander movie?’ From Zack. 10:50 am. Just moments before he was hauled into the Principal’s office.
"That idiot," he half-growled, a faint smile playing on his lips, as he stabbed at his chicken chop.
* * * * *
The next day after school, Zack had nudged Curtis from his daze. "Look there’s your chance. She’s alone."
Curtis didn’t bother asking who was Zack referring to. There was only one girl in school Curtis had an eye on. He glanced up at Claire, packing her schoolbag. The other students have already left the class, eager to start their weekend fun.
"Go on! Ask her out!" prodded Zack in a harsh whisper. Impatient, he pushed Curtis towards Claire, winking mischievously at the annoyed look Curtis was sending his way.
Claire was staring curiously at them.
"Hi, Claire," stammered Curtis. God, he was burning up in embarrassment and he hadn’t even asked her yet. He sneaked a peek at Zack, but the latter was flipping the pages of a textbook, pretending that he wasn’t spying on them.
"Yes?"
He hurriedly turned his attention back to Claire, or to Claire’s feet actually. Normal white track shoes, not pristine white, mind you, for no one in a sane mind would have such clean shoes - unless they were new. Plain white ankle length socks adorned her feet. He quickly stopped his train of thought before he got caught drooling over her bare legs. He cleared his throat nervously. "Have you watched Artificial Intelligence yet?"
"A couple of my friends and I were planning to go next week, or is it the week after? Hmm, why did you ask?" She paused, blushing prettily as she figured it out.
"Oh, I’ve been meaning to catch it but if you have plans, then... I mean..."
"We didn’t exactly fix a day to see it. If you want to see it together, its ok, I guess."
"Really?" he asked as he glanced up from his inspection of their feet. He strove to keep his face carefully bland but to no avail. "I mean, if you’re sure."
"Yeah."
"Ok. Saturday night at six? Dinner first?"
"Ok."
"Ok." They smiled shyly at one another.
* * * * *
And since Zack knew about the date, was practically present when he (finally!) asked Claire out, the former insisted on helping out with planning the date. From listing of affordable yet nice places they could eat, to topics they could discuss and topics not to discuss. Then it was an all out assault on his wardrobe. Finally Curtis had enough. "Look man, it’s MY date! Stay out of it!"
Curtis thought he saw a hurt expression flitting pass his best friend’s face but it was hidden too swiftly by Zack’s ‘cool’ mask to be certain. He felt guilty and yet annoyed at himself for feeling this way.
Zack was the first to break the tension. "Just trying to be helpful," he said mildly.
The other teenager nodded stiffly and grabbed a plain green long-sleeved shirt (Zack’s choice) and his favourite pair of jeans. "I think I’ll wear this."
* * * * *
It was ok as first dates go, decided Curtis as he made his way home. There were really awkward silences at times, but that was to be expected. Still Claire did seem to enjoy herself, at least he thought so at the time. Now, he wondered if she was regretting the date and calling up her girlfriends for a gripe session.
His feet automatically turned into a small left lane and climbed the two stories to reach his house and then into his room. Fingers nimbly pressed a sequence of numbers that had become as natural as breathing to him. The phone was picked up after the third ring.
"So how it go? Must be an awful date if you’re home at 11pm," responded Zack. He had caller ID.
"No it wasn’t! It was nice. Igotacurfew," mumbled Curtis hurriedly.
"What?"
"I said, I got a curfew. Ok? Mom knew there was a test on Monday, so I couldn’t stay out past eleven p.m."
Zack chuckled. "Aww, poor baby. Afraid of your carriage turning into a pumpkin?"
"Shut up. Other people also have curfews." He replied defensively.
"Yes, when they are in Secondary school, not Junior College."
"Tell that to my mom," grumbled Curtis.
"Hell no. That’s your problem. But tell me about the date. Did you two kiss?"
"Why should I tell you?"
"Hah! Then you didn’t kiss her!"
"None of your business!"
Zack laughed.
Curtis sat down on the edge of his bed, pulled off his socks and wriggled his feet. His best friend’s laughter was like a balm, soothing away all his tension and residual nervousness from the date.
"So come on, tell Uncle Zack all about your date."
* * * * *
Curtis stuck both hands into his pants pockets and hummed tunelessly, bouncing slightly as he walked from the bus stop to his school. Around him, other students were yawning widely and slowly dragged their feet, all cursing inwardly the shortness of the weekend. But for Curtis, Monday couldn’t come soon enough for his liking. He walked rapidly into the school building, up the three flights of stairs and towards his classroom, nodding at acquaintances but never stopping long enough to make conversation. Heart pounding, his feet stopped at the entrance of Science One Classroom. The rapid beating of his heart drowned the cacophony of the students milling about. He felt his cheeks getting hotter and struggled to remain calm. Slowly, he pushed open the door and entered. He ignored the greetings by friends as his eyes zeroed in on Claire’s desk.
Her empty desk, with a chair still tucked neatly behind it, untouched since last Friday.
Disappointed, he slunk back to his own desk and dumped his bag on the floor. He slouched on his chair, and kept his eyes glued on the doorway.
Zack sauntered in, five minutes before the bell was scheduled to ring. "Hey! Why so glum?"
"Nothing," replied Curtis, ignoring his best friend.
Zack arched an eyebrow in response but remained silent. He knew when Curtis was in one of his moods and decided to leave him alone.
Curtis straightened up on his seat as a familiar figure walked in, placing her files on her desk. He slowly inched towards her, smiling. Claire slowly smiled back, just as the bell rang, and everyone rushed down to the hall to gather. But still the couple remained, staring at each other. Only when a feminine voice called out, was the spell broken.
"Claire! Hurry up!"
The girl turned and ran out of the room.
* * * * *
Curtis sighed softly as he absently twirled a pen around. The voice of the teacher droned on monotonously about some mathematical formula, but the normally attentive teenager had other things on his mind. Like his inability to find a single spare moment to speak to Claire. Was someone up there trying to make his life a living hell? How else could it be that every time, he tried to approach her, she was either with her friends or the teacher had commenced teaching the day’s lessons? And he had wasted his lunch hour searching futilely for her.
"Maybe I’m cursed," he muttered.
The hours dragged on until the school bell rang, its loud shrill signalling the end of the school day. Everyone eagerly packed up their bags and started leaving, either alone or in groups. Curtis shifted the weight of his heavy backpack onto his left, as he shuffled along, half-listening to the chattering of his friends. This was his chance. He would approach Claire and ask her out again. "And no stammering or blushing this time," he swore. He was going to be Mr Cool and Suave. He deliberately slowed down, so that he was several steps behind his friends and mentally rehearsed his speech for the umpteenth time. Curtis tensed as they moved past Claire, who was perched on her desk, back facing him as she waited for her friend.
"Claire?"
She turned back, a shy smile gracing her lovely face. "Hi, Curtis."
"You... wanna go out, eat something?" he asked rapidly.
Shaking her head, she replied, "I’ve got tuition today."
"Oh. Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then."
"But I am free tomorrow after school," she hurriedly interjected.
"Really? Okay!" Inwardly, he groaned at how desperate he had sounded. "I’ll see you tomorrow then," he said almost nonchalantly, his voice deepening to a bass. Resolutely resisting the urge to glance back, he ran out to catch up to his friends.
* * * * *
Tuesday afternoon, they went to the bowling alley; a good activity that brought relief from the blasted heatwave. Besides, there really wasn’t any other date activity left to explore, besides the standard movie and dinner. And when Claire’s eyes lit up at the mention of bowling, Curtis grinned and congratulated himself. But that was before the petite girl won three times in a row.
"Maybe I should have mentioned that my friends and I go bowling every week," said Claire as she moved back to her seat. The TV screen above their lane showed a turkey.
"Three strikes in a row," grumbled Curtis as he surveyed his own pathetic score. He would never catch up now.
She grinned mischievously. "Gee, looks like I’m winning," she commented.
He tore his gaze from the scoreboard and onto his date. "You should be in the school bowling team."
"Nah, I don’t like competitions. It takes all the fun out of bowling when you are forced to practice frequently, you know?"
He nodded, although he didn’t fully comprehend.
"It’s your turn."
Curtis sighed and slowly walked on the damned path, feeling as though he was walking off a plank and into the shark-infested waters below. His sharp ears caught the sound of stifled girlish giggling behind him. He sighed again and swung his bowling ball.
* * * * *
On their third date, they went to ice-skating, a sport Curtis felt comfortable with. And Claire had never skated before, but was game enough to try. After multiple falls, Claire was finally able to skate, though her death grip on Curtis’ hand was never released.
They held hands as they walked from the bus stop to the void deck below her flat. The evening had been close to perfection and he felt as though he was walking on cloud nine. She pressed the button for the elevator and turned back to face her date. "Thanks, Curtis. I had a nice time."
"Oh shit. A ‘nice’ time, not ‘great’ or ‘good’, just ‘nice’. If this keeps up, I’ll never get her to like me," thought Curtis.
"You’re cute when you frown," remarked Claire as she smiled.
"Huh?" Curtis replied. His heart pounding as Claire closed her eyes and lightly pursed her lips. Slowly he leaned forward, sweaty palms tucked into his jeans’ pockets, not wanting to rush this moment, savouring this anticipatory thrill. Their noses bumped awkwardly, Curtis shifted and tried again. This time their lips met in the softest of touches.
Then the elevator signalled its arrival with a ‘ding’, and the young lovers pulled apart, both blushing furiously under the harsh fluorescent light. She stepped into the lift and he dumbly waved goodbye.
* * * * *
Zack shifted back and forth, searching for a more comfortable place to rest. He closed his eyes for minutes before popping them open again. It was no use. He wasn’t sleepy yet. "Hey, you awake?" he whispered.
Hearing no reply, he turned to his side and glanced down at the mattress placed beside his single bed. Curtis was asleep, limbs akimbo, his usually expressive face was relaxed and serene. The glowing moon was the only source of light in the bedroom, yet it was sufficient to illuminate the sleeping teenager. Feeling warm, Curtis had kicked away the borrowed blanket and Zack hungrily looked his fill like a starving man in a buffet. Curtis wore a plain T-shirt and shorts to bed. But now, the T-shirt was bunched up high on his chest, revealing his abdomen. No six-pack abs yet, but Curtis was working on it. Curtis shifted slightly and one hand eased down to scratch at his crotch. Then he shifted again, to lie on his side, back facing Zack.
Zack clambered back, until his back was against the cool concrete wall. He had become painfully aroused just from spying on Curtis! Why? He was no hunk! No muscular body that promised safety or wild animal sex. And certainly no perfect movie star face that can make people whimper from just a smile.
Yet, Curtis was attractive in his own way, Zack reluctantly acknowledged. Soft brownish hair that flopped past his eyes, black eyes that still had an innocent glow about them and a cute button nose. Yes, in an aesthetically speaking, Curtis was quite good looking. But to be attracted to your closest friend?
When the cheery sun came to replace the waxing moon, Zack still had no easy answers. He flopped down on his belly to sneak another peek at ‘sleeping beauty’. Only this time, sleeping beauty’s eyes were wide open.
"Hey," called Curtis as he smiled at his friend.
"Morning," he replied gruffly, as though his heart wasn’t racing from the lovely smile he was graced with.
"Hey, check this out." Curtis lifted his T-shirt. "See my six-pack?"
"What? All I see are ribs, boy." Zack peeled off his T-shirt, revealing his tanned, well-toned upper body. "Now this is a six-pack." He poked at the other teenager’s stomach hard. "Work hard, boy. One day you may reach my level."
He poked again. "But I doubt it."
A pillow smashed down to hit his head. On the defensive, Zack scrambled back to find his own pillow. Distracted, he couldn’t block his friend’s body tackle in time and he ended up pinned below Curtis. Curtis grinned triumphantly as he leaned forward, grabbing both Zack’s wrists tightly.
"Who’s the man now?"
Zack sighed. "I yield." He paused momentarily to allow Curtis time to gloat. "But only because your morning breath knocks quite a punch. Vampires should be afraid of you"
"What!" yelled Curtis. "My breath doesn’t stink." Each word clearly enunciated close to Zack’s face. He watched as Zack’s nose scrunched up. Grinning evilly, Curtis leaned his head forward, till their faces were barely an inch apart. He took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled through his mouth, making sure Zack’s nose and mouth caught the full brunt of the aerial assault.
The sounds of Zacks’ outraged screams reverberated throughout the entire flat.
* * * * *
Sitting on the sofa, watching the Sunday cartoons and eating cornflakes with Zack, seemed like the most natural thing to Curtis. He beamed at Zack, amazed at just how natural and easy it felt. After all, he had only camped here once before.
Zack smiled back. "So your Friday night date with you-know-who must have gone really well."
Caught off-guard, Curtis retold the entire date, including the kiss.
"A kiss huh? Any further? Tongue?" Zack probed, faking a leer.
"Zack!" yelled Curtis as he motioned to Zack’s parents sitting on two armchairs reading the newspapers.
"Ah don’t worry. They won’t bother to listen in. Right mom?"
There was no reply from his mother, save for the turning of a page.
He grinned smugly at the reluctant teen. "So spill."
Curtis sighed. "We just kissed ok? It was just liplock. Nothing special." Warming to his topic, he ranted on, hands waving in the air in agitation, "Awkward, that’s what it was. Shouldn’t there be fireworks or a tingly feeling? Or something? I don’t see what’s the charm in... "
"It’s just your first kiss. It’ll get better," Zack cut in.
"Really?" Curtis couldn’t keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.
"Yeah, dimwit. First kisses are always awkward."
"How would you know?" questioned Curtis, irritated at the all-knowing tone.
Zack quirked an eyebrow in reply.
The other teenager blushed. "Oh."
* * * * *
(One month later.)
They held hands as they lingered at the void deck below her flat. It was close to midnight and her parents would be worried, but Claire didn’t care. For her, the universe begun and ended at the joining of their hands, and she fervently wished that time would freeze at this absolute perfect moment. Instinctively, she leaned towards him, seeking his warm embrace.
But a cough shattered that perfect moment.
They jumped apart at that sound and turned to face the intruder. The smiling woman was dressed casually in a pair of denim cut-offs and a simple baby blue tank top, her chestnut hair tied up in a pony tail. Even without makeup and fine clothing, she was breathtaking, realised Curtis. Claire scowled as she recognised the person. "Lynn."
"Hey sis, having fun?" teased Lynn as she pressed the elevator button. "You better go up in ten minutes or I’ll tell Mom where you are." The elevator doors slid open and she stepped inside. "Remember what I said. Ten minutes," she threatened, even as the elevator doors slid shut and began its noisy ascent.
"That’s your sister?" asked Curtis, his admiring gaze firmly planted on the elevator.
Claire frowned, as she said automatically in a brusque tone, "Yes. Lynn is my sister. Two years my senior and an undergraduate. Anything else you want to know about her?"
He turned back, a puzzled look clearly etched on his features. "What’s wrong?" he asked, scratching his head.
"Nothing," she replied. Her sad eyes told another story though. "I’ll see you at school. Bye."
And then only Curtis was left in the empty void deck.
* * * * *
Zack ran up to the familiar figure entering the school. He patted his friend’s left shoulder, then quickly twisted to Curtis’ right side. Curtis turned to his left, then spun to his right, just in time to see Zack's smirking countenance. "Man, you fall for that every time. You want to go catch that movie tomorrow?"
Curtis looked at his grinning friend in puzzlement.
"You know, the movie. The one we’ve been waiting for months now. The very same one that will end its run in two weeks." He cursed as Curtis scratched his head, glancing at the cloudy skies as if it held the answer. "The Highlander movie! Endgame! Remember? Come on, man, if we don’t catch it soon, we’ll miss it!"
"Oh, that." Curtis remarked, as he glanced down at his feet. "I sort of promised to take Claire out to watch a movie tomorrow. And since there wasn’t much choice available, I sort of said ‘Endgame’ and she sort of agreed."
"Oh," was all Zack murmured, although he felt like screaming. ‘What do you mean, ‘sort of’? A ‘yes’ is a yes, a ‘no’ is a no. There are no in-betweens! We’ve agreed to see it together and now you’re taking somebody who didn’t even see a single episode or the TV series!’ he wanted so desperately to voice out those words, but one pleading look from his friend quelled the anger.
"It’s ok," he found himself saying. "I can watch it with the other guys."
Curtis beamed, "Thanks, man. I found some rumours about ‘Endgame’ on the Internet. You want to hear?"
Zack groaned and placed his hands over his ears. "I’m not listening, I’m not listening," he chanted.
"You got to listen! I heard that..." Curtis yelled as he pulled at Zack’s hands.
"No! I hate spoilers!" shouted Zack as he dodged from his friend. Curtis laughed and chased in pursuit.
* * * * *
Saturday came in a brilliant flash of colours. The early morning downpour had just ended; grey clouds gave way to the sun rising slowly over the horizon, scattering pastel colours over the previously dreary skies. Such a wondrous sight to behold!
Too bad none of our protagonists were awake at that moment, though.
Much later in the afternoon, Zack pushed back his blanket and rubbed at his bleary eyes. He squinted at the digital clock on his bedside table. Two-thirty p.m.
He could brush his teeth, bathe and eat a light lunch and still be in time for the three-thirty movie screening at Lido. "But I’m not going, am I?" he mused. All his buddies had already watched it, except Curtis. And he resolutely squashed that train of thought before it travelled someplace he wasn’t up to thinking about, so early in the day.
He slid further down the bed and pulled the blankets over his head in an attempt to fend off the offending sunlight. "Might as well go back to sleep," he thought.
After much tossing and turning, he sat up with a grunt and glanced at the clock again. Forty minutes past two. "Great," he muttered, stomping his way into the kitchen.
"I really wanted to watch that movie," he grumbled as he munched on a bowl of cornflakes. "And I really wanted to watch it with him," he continued.
"It’s not fair!" he wanted to protest. But who would hear him and who would care? Certainly not that infuriating, forgetful person.
"Serves me right for liking such an oblivious person. We’re best friends for god’s sake, and he still missed the clue bus." But the way Curtis was unconscious of his own charms and others’ admiring glances, was exactly what drew Zack in the first place. And as he learnt more and more about this shy, innocent youth, the more he was drawn, until one day, he found himself snared in the tangled web, already too late to escape. Even witnessing how Curtis was blustering through his relationship with that girl, wasn’t enough to free him.
He hated this feeling of helplessness, hated the depressing moods he was slipping into nowadays in the privacy of his own home. Hated that even now, thinking of Curtis could make him smile involuntarily and make his heart beat just a little faster.
"Aw, hell. I’ll watch it myself and enjoy it too!" he swore as he hurriedly dashed into his room to change.
* * * * *
Curtis came out of the movie theatre, feeling depressed. Why did Christopher Lambert’s character have to die? "I just don’t like it. I mean, I’ve seen him in all the Highlander movies, and now that they’ve wrote him off, it just doesn’t seem right, you know?" He glanced at his girlfriend for support but she was looking at him blankly. "The older MacLeod."
"Oh."
He sighed. "Never mind. You hungry? We could..." His voice trailed off as he spotted a familiar face heading out of the theater.
"Zack!" He shouted and jostled his way past the impatient crowd of people leaving the cinema. He heard the muffled curses and felt the dark looks cast his way by the rest of the movie-goers eager to make their escape, as he pushed his way through. But he paid them no attention, eyes set on the attractive teenager wearing an old, plain ocean blue T-shirt with an old hair dye stain near the collar. Zack was the most fashion-conscious among his male friends, not that Zack was vain or girly, just that he took pride in his appearance. Hence, to see Zack wearing such worn clothes while in the shopping mall was jarring to say the least. "Yo, Zack!" He called out once more.
The youth looked up at the sound of his name being called. Spotting his best friend approaching, he grinned happily in response, but that smile faded when his sight zeroed in on whom Curtis was dragging along behind him. Claire. "They are on a date," reminded his mind cruelly. "Best if you leave now, before you see them making lovey-dovey eyes at each other or worse," it urged. The mere thought of that sent his heart spiralling down further into despair as intimate images of the couple flooded his brain.
A gentle touch on his shoulder roused him from the disturbing imagery. Noticing the slightly worried, mostly curious look from Curtis, he hurriedly explained, "Hey guys. I’m just a little down from the movie, I guess."
"Yeah! I felt the same way! Lambert is the one who made this series so famous, he’s the Highlander..." Curtis rambled on, excitedly, his earlier decision to tease Zack about his appalling choice of street wear forgotten.
The trio slowly strolled past the stores, chatting amicably about the movie. Well, not all of them. Zack glanced at a pouting Claire walking to the left of her boyfriend. Not a single word was uttered from her lips since a neutral ‘Hello’ back at the cinema.
Feeling a little hungry, the trio entered a small café. They were poring over the menus when Claire innocuously commented, "This place serves the best tiramisu cake ever. Curtis brought me here one night and insisted on ordering the tiramisu for us. One bite of it and I was in heaven. Whenever Curtis and I came here, I would always buy a few pieces back home. Isn’t that so, Curtis?" She smiled triumphantly at Zack, reminding the latter that they were dating and an outsider was unwanted here.
Curtis mumbled a yes, distracted. He always ate tiramisu cake, maybe it was time for a change. The chocolate truffle cake looked good in the display case they passed by. But he never tasted that before, maybe it only looked good, but actually sucked?
Zack smiled widely. "Yes, I know. I was the one who recommended this place to Zack."
Startled, she quickly turned to Curtis, "Is that true?"
The teenager blushed as he scrambled for the right words to say. He snuck a peek at Zack, silently asking for his help. However, one look at Zack’s stern countenance, Curtis knew no rescue would be forthcoming this time. "Well, he did mention that the tiramisu was nice... but you know, eating the same stuff every time is boring, I was thinking about trying the chocolate truffle cake. What do you think, Claire?"
But Claire was not to be easily distracted. Like a hound after his bone, she smelled something suspicious and prodded further. "So Zack recommended the cake to you and this café," she stated, "What about that Italian place we went to last week? Did he suggest it to you too?"
He ignored her question and waved to get the waitress’ attention. "I’ll have the chocolate truffle, she’ll have the tiramisu and Zack? What do you want?"
"What about the pizza place we went after rollerblading?" she asked, increasingly agitated. She caught sight of Zack’s smug expression and quickly added, "Or was that whole Saturday’s date at East Coast all his idea too?"
He looked sheepishly at his girlfriend. "I didn’t know where to take you so I asked him for some advice."
"Am I dating you or him?" she shouted, uncaring of the other patrons’ curious gazes. "I don’t believe you. You talk about Zack during our dates, he said this or did that. He’s your best friend, so I can deal. But he’s actually telling you where to bring me for dates and what to say!" She stood up and slung her schoolbag over her shoulder. "Do you think I’m an idiot?"
"No! Claire, it’s not like that, honestly." Curtis grabbed her hand, in an attempt to make her stay.
"Leave me alone!" She wrenched her hand away from his and ran off.
* * * * *
It took a lot of wheedling and expensive bouquets of tulips before Claire would speak to him again. But after that small hiccup, their relationship grew and soon they were seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone every day without fail.
"Hey, how come you never invite me to your house before? You’ve spoke so often about your kid brother and your mom, I want to put faces to their names, you know? And I’ve only seen your sister once." asked Curtis curiously during one of their usual late night calls.
Silence stretched on Claire’s side as she struggled to think of a suitable answer. "I knew this would happen! I knew it!" she thought as she clenched the hem of her nightgown.
Unaware, Curtis continued on, "You’ve been to my place. And seen my mom. She’s really nosy, huh? She’s too busy with work to really keep our home spic and span. I’m sure your place would be paradise compared to this dump. Of course, unless you compared it to Zack’s place. He stays in this condominium and his bedroom is like twice the size of mine. And he has his own PC and TV set in his bedroom. I only have a stupid stereo system. My PC is placed in the hall."
Claire cut in, "It’s not that."
"Then what is it?’ asked Curtis gently.
She gasped, her free hand hugging her waist as she slowly rocked back and forth. "You want to see her again?" she asked, surprised that her voice sounded normal, that her inner turmoil remained private.
Curtis scratched his head. "Who? Your sis? Uh... I guess. I’m just curious about your family, that’s all. But if you don’t feel comfortable with that, it’s ok with me. It’s just a passing remark," he hurriedly back-pedalled, sensing something wrong.
Claire didn’t say anything. But he knew she was still on the line, for he could hear her breathing. Harsh, broken pants, as though she had run a hundred miles.
"What was going on? What did he say that caused this sudden shift?" he asked himself. When ringing signalled that he had a second call on the line, he said goodbye to Claire and hung up, in relief.
* * * * *
The three guys and one girl huddled in a corner in the school canteen, supposedly discussing their physics project. But no one was really interested in school work, especially on a Saturday afternoon, so invariably the conversation drifted to gossip. Alex stood up to buy some snacks and drinks for the ravenous group. After Alex had left, Eve quickly leaned closer to Curtis and asked point blank, "So how are you and Claire faring? Everything peachy in lovey-dovey land?"
The teenager sputtered, fire spreading across his cheeks.
Zack laughed. "You’re her best friend. Shouldn’t you know?"
Eve pouted. "But Claire never brought him along when she’s with me or the other girls. We never get a chance to see them together outside of school. We asked her to bring you along a few times but..." She trailed off, her mind caught in the past. "So, has she brought you to see her family?" she teased.
He shook his head. "See, that’s the thing. I asked her if I could, you know, visit her home and she immediately became tense. Her mom knows I’m her boyfriend. Sometimes, she would speak to me before passing the telephone to Claire, so it can’t be because of that. I don’t know why she’s so reluctant to let me visit. Does she have decomposing corpses in her closet?" he joked.
Eve didn’t smile at the joke. "No. But I think you should ask her."
"You know something," accused Zack.
She shook her head. "Nothing that I can tell you."
The two guys looked at each other, puzzled. But despite more prodding from them, Eve remained silent on the subject. Now, Curtis wasn’t the nosy sort, he understood the need for secrets, though he held none from his best friend. If for some reason, Claire seemed reluctant to mention her family and let him meet them, well then he wasn’t going to pry. Mind made up, Curtis pushed aside his concerns, almost forgotten until two weeks later.
* * * * *
Ring! Ring!
Curtis picked up his phone on one hand and flipped the pages of a motorcycle magazine with the other. "Hello," he greeted in a distracted tone.
"It’s me," said a nervous female voice.
"Claire!" He smiled.
"I was talking to Eve last night. You can come over tomorrow night, if you want. My mother says she will be cooking curry chicken."
"You sure? About me coming over, I mean." There was something strange in her tone, as if she dreaded his visit. He was sure of that.
"Yes. Now are you coming over or not?" she asked impatiently.
"Yeah. What time?"
"At 7pm. Bye."
"Bye," he replied but she had already hung up.
* * * * *
Dinner at Claire’s house was okay, Curtis decided. Her mother was a good cook and her father wasn’t the stern disciplinarian he expected. Instead, he was a plump and jovial man, who entertained everyone with his jokes about his work. Her brother was aloof but then so was Claire’s sister, Lynn, initially. But Lynn gradually loosened up and began taking an active part in the conversation. She could deliver the funniest jokes in a deadpan manner but her eyes would always betray her by twinkling with merriment. Claire, however, was tense throughout the night, although she kept up a cheerful act. He wanted desperately to ask her, but he didn’t have the chance to be alone with her. So he contented himself by shooting worried glances at her occasionally.
Later, he said goodbye to the Chen family and walked towards the bus stop. He whistled tunelessly as he kicked pebbles off the path. Claire trailed behind him, silent in thought.
"Let’s go to the playground," suggested Claire, out of the blue. She walked briskly to the deserted playground and sat on one of the two swings, not bothering to check if he had followed her. Curtis took his place on the other swing and waited.
"I just want to apologise for the way I’ve been acting recently. I know you must have thought I was crazy or something."
Curtis protested, "No! I never-"
"Let me finish," pleaded Claire, her soft voice clearly heard through the night-time chatter of insects.
"There are other girls out there better than me in every possible way, so why would you ever want to be with me? And when I think about that, I just can’t stand it. I don’t want to be second place. I don’t ever want to be second place again." She laughed mockingly. "I’m just insecure. But that’s how teenagers are, right? I mean, we all go through this stage…"
Something about her words, reminded him of something he overheard months ago. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried desperately to remember.
That day, he was in one of the toilet stalls, contemplating the floor, trying to skip the last torturous ten minutes of the Chinese language lesson. Several schoolmates entered and started chatting. ‘Hey, did you know that Claire has a beautiful older sister? Man, I tell you, her sister has the face of an angel and the body of a devil.’
‘Mike, you’re already dating Claire. Better not let her or her friends find out or you’re dead meat.’ the other teenager in the toilet replied.
‘I know, I know. But a guy can look, can’t he? Man, if I had known earlier, I would have put the moves on her older sister instead,’ commented Mike.
‘Yeah, and be rejected flat out. Why would she want a pimply kid?’ teased his friend.
Curtis gasped, his girlfriend’s sudden mood swings seemed so clear now. "Stop it!" he yelled. "You’re not second place! Not to me! You’re perfect. You have really big, bright eyes, and a lovely nose, not like mine. And you have a good figure and you’re sweet, nice and smart. And I really, really care about you a lot... So I don’t care what Mike or other guys think!"
She turned to look at him, the first time she had actually looked at him directly since the night begun. "You know," she accused.
He didn’t try to pretend he didn’t understand what she was alluding to. "I guessed your last boyfriend, Mike, must have hurt you really bad, if you couldn’t even trust your boyfriend to be around your own sister," he replied slowly.
"Bingo! And Curtis Lim wins a million dollars," cried the girl hysterically as she hugged herself tight, trembling with unshed tears. Her right hand covered her face as she hunched forward in her seat.
Her boyfriend looked on uncomfortably, his arms itching to wrap around that girl, to make her feel safe and treasured but she seemed so vulnerable then, as though the slightest touch could shatter her spirit. So, he kept his arms by his side and watched on, hoping that his presence could reassure her somehow.
Above them, the stars stone with the same brightness as before.
* * * * *
"So I really don’t know what to do? How am I going to reassure her that I’m going to stay. I’ve tried flowers and all that romantic crap, but all that does is to make her more suspicious. Like I’ve cheated on her and now I’m trying to compensate." He punched the pillow he was hugging earlier. "It really sucks when your girlfriend doesn’t trust you."
"Zack?" He looked at his silent friend lounging on the sofa. "I know you’re not asleep. Say something."
Zack shifted to lie on his side, eyes popping open to fix upon Curtis unblinkingly. "I’m not Casanova. You got problems with your girlfriend," he dragged out the last word as if it was something unsavoury. "You can fix it yourself."
Startled by the sudden change, Curtis stammered, "Buttt... you always give me ad...advice."
"Well, I’m sick of doing that!" he snapped.
Curtis cringed. He had never seen his friend in such a foul mood before. "What’s wrong?"
"You’re what’s wrong! I’m sick and tired of hearing Claire’s problems. She’s your girlfriend, why should I be concerned about her?"
"But I thought you liked her," whispered Curtis as he hugged the battered pillow close, his wide eyes conveying confusion.
Zack sat up and cast an incredulous look at his dense friend. "Are you blind? I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me. You want to help her, fine! You want to woo her? Great. Just leave me the hell out! I don’t want to hear about your plans or how great your date went! How can you be so cruel and talk about her when I..." He broke off, biting his tongue just in time to stop the flow of words.
"I’m sorry. I didn’t know you didn’t want to hear about our stuff," Curtis apologised softly. The room was ominously silent as Curtis pondered over Zack’s words, while Zack did his imitation of an invisible man.
"But you’re my best friend! It’s your job to listen to me and give me advice on my relationships!" Curtis burst out suddenly.
That remark stung and Zack verbally lunged out. "Well excuse me, if I had betrayed the terms of our contract. Didn’t know that it was in my job description to listen to you gush about your little girlfriend all the bloody time!"
"You’re my best friend and she’s my girlfriend. Can’t I have both?" The other boy pleaded softly.
Zack was about to answer ‘no’ but his heart caved when he noticed the sad and worried expression on Curtis’ attractive face. "Yeah, you should be able to have both. Just... not right now. Give me some time, ok?"
Curtis nodded and tried a little armchair psychology. "Ok. Its my fault, I’ve been flaunting my relationship while you’re not dating anyone. You’re feeling envious and jealous and left out. I’m sorry."
Zack dropped back on the sofa and laughed. And if his laughter sounded a little bitter, well then, he didn’t care. He had come so close to confessing his love for his obtuse friend today. For so long, he daydreamed about Curtis’ reactions to a declaration, wondered if he would run into his arms and kiss him frantically or would he sneer and laugh cruelly or would he stammer and said that he wasn’t gay and that he didn’t know that Zack was gay. He dared himself to say something, anything that let his feelings be known. But fear, mind-numbing fear of changing the status quo, held him back time after time. And now, he knew with absolute certainty that he was right.
Curtis wasn’t ready to hear that his best friend wants to jump his bones and that he wanted to go beyond the boundaries of friendship. Nor was Curtis ever going to be receptive to the idea.
He flung an arm over his eyes, as his heart slowly broke again.
When the clock chimed six times, someone cleared his throat loudly. Surprised, Zack opened his eyes and found Curtis still there, clutching his haversack.
"I’ve got to go. Said I’ll be home for dinner." Zack heard him say, yet the latter was clearly reluctant to leave, legs moving slightly to the left, right and back to the left.
Curtis stole another look at the clock. He was going to miss the bus if he didn’t hurry. Taking a deep breath, he asked, "Are we ok?"
The hopeful tone in his voice was too painful to hear. Zack forced himself to smile. "Yeah."
Curtis beamed. "Yeah," he echoed, then waved goodbye.
* * * * *
"Oh for god’s sake, you’re still not trying to decide between those two shirts?" exclaimed Zack as he wandered back into the room, a chilled can of coke in hand.
Curtis sheepishly turned around to face him. "It’s Claire’s birthday."
"And you want to give her the best birthday ever, yadda yadda yadda," interrupted Zack. And he was pleased to note that his voice held no trace of the bitterness he felt. Well, maybe a little.
"Oh, move over and let me handle it. I’ve told you where to go (that Escape theme park at Pasir Ris) and which restaurant to choose, might as well help you out here. Or one look at your outlandish clothes, she’ll run screaming back to her mommy." He rifled through the clothes in his closet, until he found them. Triumphantly he held out his treasures - a pair of dark jeans, low at the waist and snug, and a white v-collar cotton shirt with sleeves.
Curtis eyed them dubiously, preferring to wear something new.
"Trust me. Now go put them on." He shoved the clothes into Curtis’ unresisting arms and faced the other way. He didn’t think he could control himself, if Curtis was to undress right before him.
A minute ticked by.
Finally, Curtis cleared his throat and Zack turned to look. For a moment, he forgot to breathe as he took in the slender legs encased in denim, tapering off to a slim waist. The shirt was tucked in and Curtis had dutifully rolled up the sleeves, baring his lower arms. The white made his complexion darker, giving it the illusion of a tan. Curtis spun around slowly, revealing another attribute showcased by those jeans. When he turned back, Zack quickly reached forward and pulled the shirt out of the jeans. At Curtis’ questioning gaze, he barked brusquely, "Shirt looks better untucked." Then he took a huge gulp of coke, hoping to chill the heat that was rising in him.
Curtis leaned forward, noticing Zack’s flushed face. "What are you drinking?"
He wordlessly held out his drink.
"Funny, you’re blushing, so I thought you got beer or something."
‘I’m blushing? Shit,’ thought Zack as he furiously thought of an excuse. "Must be coming down with the flu," he replied.
Curtis stared at him suspiciously. Zack rarely fell sick. But he was interrupted by the insistent ringing of the telephone. He walked towards the bedside table and answered the phone.
‘Saved by the bell,’ thought Zack as he sipped his drink.
"Oh hi, Claire," said Curtis in a sickeningly cheerful voice.
Zack stifled his groan. He leaned against the wall, pretending to be engrossed by his drink. Maybe he should leave and give his friend a semblance of privacy, but his feet stayed firmly rooted to the spot.
"You’ll be late?" asked Curtis. He listened to the voice at the other end for awhile, murmuring his assent. "Ok, so I’ll see you at 2pm instead of 1."
‘At least, I’ll have him for another hour,’ thought Zack as he drunk in the lovely sight before him. ‘I have to be content with that. I have to be,’ he whispered to himself, the bittersweet feeling he got whenever Curtis was around or in his mind, felt strangely sour now.
* * * * *
Life was funny in a way. It’s not everyday, you realised that you’ve fallen in love. Not lust. That can be easily attributed to hormones and easily quelled by taking long cold showers or finding another target to drool over. But love. As in romantic love, as in I’m happy just to be with you, no matter what we’re doing. And to someone who already has a girlfriend? And that you were the one responsible for getting the couple together? Somewhere up there, the gods must be laughing at him.
"Life sucks," announced Zack, as he threw his magazine in the general direction of the table and switched on his TV.
Alanis Morrisette’s ‘Isn’t It Ironic’ MTV was showing.
"ARGH!" He quickly changed the channel.
Right now, his best friend and crush is on a date with the wonderful Claire. And as much as it hurts to admit it, Curtis was happy. And didn’t someone say that ‘when you love someone, set them free’?
"I’m gonna kill the guy who invented that," cursed Zack inwardly as he pressed down on the TV remote buttons violently.
His mother opened the door and peeked inside. "Zack."
"Mom! I told you before, knock first. What if I was naked or reading porn mags?" he protested.
She grinned bemused. "You have nothing I never seen before. As for the other thing, I’m gonna kill your dad for corrupting my baby. Bad enough he smuggles those dirty things into our home but to lend them to our baby." Her huge eyes glinted with anger.
Zack swallowed nervously, even at seventeen, he was still afraid of his normally kind and understanding mother whenever she was angry. Heck, even his dad was.
"I was supposed to look after Katie today but I’ve got to run some errands, so can you take care of her for a few hours?"
Zack blinked at the sudden change of topic and forgot to protest as his ten year old cousin, Katie, was led into his room. He glanced at his youngest cousin, who had happily plopped down on the floor and watched the cartoon channel on his tiny 15-inch tv screen. His mother was chattering about the errands she had to run, but he paid them no heed. He was supposed to spend his afternoon bemoaning his unrequited love, for god’s sake. He was well on his way to be an angsty and depressed youth. But how could he when saddled with a kid cousin watching the dumb cartoons? He cleared his throat, prepared to protest but what came out was, "Can I take her to the theme park at Pasir Ris?" and held his palm out for money.
* * * * *
"So what did you do during the extra hour?" asked Claire as they sat close on the bus, their hands clasped together.
He shrugged. "Oh, hung out with Zack, watched some tv."
"Hey what’s wrong?" he questioned, noticing her frown.
"Nothing." She turned towards the window but kept her fingers interlaced with Curtis’. A full minute later, she turned back, her eyes flashing with anger and spoke, "It’s just that you are spending a lot of time together. You talk to him on the phone everyday, and see him everyday. You even sleep over at his house sometimes. I mean, I know he’s your best friend. But what about me?"
"But I do that with you too! Well, except the sleepover part... you know... because..." he trailed off.
Claire blushed but bravely forged on. "You know what I mean! I’m your girlfriend. But you don’t seem to act as if I was! When I’m with you, I feel as if I’m second best. Zack can’t be with you all day and night, so hey, there’s Claire. She just got dumped, she’s lonely. Why not get her to keep myself company?"
"No! I never’" protested Curtis.
"And I’m sick of hearing his name over and over," continued Claire, her voice raising as her anger grew with every point listed, as though they were dry logs used to feed the flames of rage in her heart. "Its always Zack did this or Zack said that. I’m always second best compared to him, and I always will be! I hate him! And I hate you!"
The bus slowed to a stop. She pushed past a shellshocked Curtis and alighted the bus rapidly. Curtis sat there numb as her last words reverberated in his head. Did he really make her feel as though she was second best? Hadn’t he promised that he wouldn’t hurt her like Mike did? She was first in his heart, always. Hadn’t he said that on the swings one night?
A whiny voice called out, "What are you waiting for? Go after her!"
Curtis glanced around, belatedly realising that the bus had not moved an inch. The doors still remained open and the passengers were all staring at him.
"Go on," a male voice cajoled. "Just give her roses and she’ll forgive you. Girls just like the attention."
Some of the passengers were giving him sympathetic, encouraging looks while others were shooting murderous glances for delaying their journey. He blushed, managed a sheepish smile and sprinted after Claire, shouting for her to stop.
Claire ran like the wind, darting towards the opposite road with ease. There she stood in the bus-stop, waiting for her getaway chance. He stared futilely at her figure, unable to reach her as the traffic signal turned green.
As cars whizzed by, he heard her voice whispering to his ears, "When I’m with you, I feel as if I’m second best. Its always Zack did this or Zack said that." The voice grew louder and nastier with each second. Mocking him for not treasuring what he had. Blaming him for breaking his promise. Even as he pleaded with the voice to stop, he knew deep down that he had heard something similar before, that he had hurt someone else subconsciously.
"I’m sick and tired of hearing Claire’s problems."
"I don’t want to hear about your plans or how great your date went!"
Then it was blessed silence. But all the more damaging, for it made his internal voice louder in comparison.
He had it all planned out, he and Zack were going to find girls and then they would happily go out on double dates. Their girlfriends would be best friends too, just like Zack and he was. Yeah, he was going to have it all, a buddy to confide in and a girl to cuddle with. When did it get so muddled up?
"Claire," he whispered as he walked across the busy road, eyes fixed on the girl standing so alone and so obviously hurting in the bus-stop in front. He didn’t hear the loud, insistent honks of approaching vehicles but he certainly felt the sharp pain as a car collided with his right side.
* * * * *
Curtis looked around in a daze, numbly taking stock of the battle playing out around him. His own sword was dripping with blood and so are his clothes. Others around him were engaged in swordfight too, those were the lucky ones. The unlucky ones were lying on the blood-tainted soil, unmoving.
His peripheral vision caught a flash of light, a sword perhaps. Curious, he squinted at the direction. A man (dressed the same weird Qing Dynasty outfit that he was) was systematically taking down the enemy soldiers with only his sword. This man had long hair and a totally different dress sense but Curtis knew it could only be... "Zi An!" He ran forward, ducking between soldiers, desperate to get to him. He could see soldiers and marksmen gaining towards Zi An, surrounding him, but he could only run as fast as he could and yell out a warning.
"No!" he screamed as arrows pierced through Zi An’s flimsy armour. He ran forward, ignoring his own danger, as Zi An stumbled and fell headfirst to the ground. "Zi An!" He skidded to a stop in front of Zi An’s prone figure. Trembling and drained, Curtis sat down in midst of the battle and turned Zi An over to lie on his back. There was too much blood, too much of life’s essence seeping away from the man he cared most in the world and into the ungrateful soil. He pressed both palms onto the three wounds (two near his heart and another in the stomach), trying to stop the blood loss, though the pragmatic in him, knew it was a hopeless cause.
Zi An’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled faintly at Curtis, glad to see him in his final hour. "Don’t cry, Ke Tin. We both knew that this might happen."
"NO! I won’t let you leave me."
"There’s nothing... you can do... Go. You’re vul...nerable like this."
"No! You just keep quiet and conserve your strength. When night falls, I’ll get the army doctor to save you. You just have to endure-"
"Silly fool. Army doctor... only attends to... gen...erals... not foot... soldiers like us."
"I won’t let you die. You’re everything to me. I..."
"I know..." His hand weakly covered Curtis’ hand and squeezed.
Curtis leaned over and kissed Zi An’s damp forehead. He lingered there for several long moments, memorizing the taste of Zi An’s skin. Instinctively, he felt the moment when Zi An died, that all he was kissing was an empty shell. Still, he kept his eyes closed, desperate to maintain the delusion, that Zi An was alive. "Something is coming," warned his sixth sense as he felt rather than heard the approach. Goosebumps rising on his exposed skin, he visibly shook as the spirit bearing a horse’s head and a man’s body floated towards him. It was one of the Sprits of the Underworld, a Lieutenant to the King of the Hell. "You can’t take him! I won’t let you!"
"There’s nothing you can do about it, boy. Life and death are part of a natural sequence." The spirit’s voice was soft but carried a firm undertone.
"Then take me instead, please." Curtis quickly shifted to a kneeling position in front of the spirit and bowed three times, his head touching the ground each time. "Please, I beg of you," he pleaded.
"No. It is written in the Book of Death that Zi An will die today. It is not up to foolish mortals like yourself to change what is written and decreed by the Gods."
"NO! Please let me take his place. You can transfer what’s left of my life span onto his."
"Are you sure? You are destined to lead a long life. Don’t throw away such a precious gift from the Gods."
"I’m sure. I want him to lead a happy life. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, so long as he is alright. Please do it. I beg you."
"What makes him so worthy of your sacrifice?" pondered the spirit aloud. Curtis kept silent. The spirit sighed. "Fine. Come along, then Ke Tin. You shall see the King of the Underworld soon."
Curtis smiled triumphantly, then grimaced as he felt hot searing pain in his chest. Dumbly, he glanced down to find three arrows embedded in his chest, in the exact same positions as Zi An’s injury. He was getting weaker by the second, while the urge to close his eyes and follow the spirit into the afterlife was getting stronger. "Please... wait... I need... to... see him.... open.... eyes."
"When you have passed on, then will his spirit return to his body. Come now before I change my mind."
One last shuddering breath through failing lungs and then he was fading... And falling as though sinking to the depths of the hell, despite the feather-like lightness of his body. His mind eye’s flashed a vision of Zi An, strong and healthy. They were sparring in his father’s padi-fields. The setting sun casting warm reddish hues onto Zi An’s exposed upper body, his arms glistening with sweat that shone like diamonds. Like a moth to a flame, Curtis felt inexplicably yet undeniably drawn to the man that had been his friend and neighbour for twenty years and his secret bedmate for five months. He moved in, quickly dispatching away Zi An’s sword with a flick of his own sword, and leaned into the welcoming mouth.
And then there was no more... only darkness...
* * * * *
Curtis sat back on his wooden chair, fingers massaging his tired eyes. Who knew that writing and maintaining a log of all the books stored in the Underworld Library would be so exhausting? How long has it been since he died? Ten years? No, more like thirty years. It was getting harder to keep track of time in the Underworld. No one could or would wish to, lest they risk insanity. Who in the right mind would want to count the days since he was stuck here in limbo, waiting for the punishment in the seven levels of hell to end or until their chance at reincarnation?
However, he was different. Not that he was waiting for a chance to spin the wheel of fortune, to see what creature would he be reincarnated into. No, he wanted to see someone again. "Zi An," he murmured, wrapping the name like a beloved shawl around his cool etheral body. Not a single day or night passed without thinking of his lover, his best friend. He once thought that all this yearning would consume him in its searing intensity, until he could no longer bear the pain. But that never happened. Instead, his love was like a warm fire in his belly, warming him in his loneliest times. Sometimes, he would take out each memory of Zi An and savour it, then gently keep it back into the recesses of his mind. And so each day crawled by, slowly.
"Ke Tin," said the spirit who had saved his love’s life, as he entered the Library.
"Ma Mian," Curtis greeted, smiling at his friend. "What brings you here today?’
"Official business. The King of Hades has decided to give you a third chance at reincarnation."
"Thank you, but I will not go."
"Don’t be so quick to reply. Think about it carefully. I’ve known you for decades, so I’m going to give you some free advice. If you reject the King’s kind offer too often, he will not give you this opportunity again. Think about it, do you really want to be stuck here in hell? You should grab this chance, Ke Tin."
He shook his head, smiling faintly. "I know you mean well, but I’m going to wait here for him. We’ll see each other again, I know it."
"And if he has already forgotten you and found a wife?"
Curtis’ smile faltered. "I’ll cross that bridge if it happens." Glistening eyes stared at the spirit, as he softly continued, "I need to see him again. Even if he no longer feels for me, my feelings won’t change. And I won’t regret what I did. Never."
Ma Mian grinned, as though he had won a bet. "Well, then I guess I better convey your wish to the King and let you get back to your job." He walked towards the exit before turning and said almost as aforethought, "Oh, almost forgot. I think there’s someone here to see you." His eyes twinkling with mischief and merriment as he pulled the stranger in.
But at a second glance, the stranger didn’t seem quite so unfamiliar to Curtis. He wore pheasant’s clothes, loose and plain, but that had not disguised his muscular build caused by years of working in the fields. The face was tanned and had a few wrinkles near his shining eyes and forehead. The long hair, with a smattering of grey, was tied back by a simple ponytail. He fidgeted nervously as his fingers clenched at his shirt. Curtis’ gaze kept wandering back to the oh-so-familiar dark eyes and hesitant grin. Suddenly dizzy, he asked in a tremulous voice that he hardly recognised as his own, "Zi An?"
Not waiting for an answer, Curtis ran towards him, the former barely registering an affirmative nod from the newly deceased man. Precious seconds later, they were wrapped in a tight embrace, each unwilling to let the other go. Curtis slowly pulled away to stare at his lover. He lifted trembling fingers to trace the sharp nose and the slightly parted lips as Zi An kept his arms wrapped around Curtis’ waist. "Not a memory," Curtis murmured to himself. His eyes were filling with unshed tears, causing his vision to blur. He blinked his eyes in quick succession, unwilling to lose sight of the face that was so familiar yet foreign to him at the same time. But like a busted dam, the tears merely flowed faster, searing his cheeks as they travelled downwards. "Stupid fool, stop crying," he admonished himself.
Zi An’s callused fingers tenderly wiped away his tears. "Shhh, don’t cry. I’m here now. And I’ll always be here. Always," he promised. And they sealed that promise with a kiss - one of the many that was to come.
* * * * *
Still clutching the last warm vestiges of the dream, the teenager slowly, reluctantly awoke. His eyes opened and he tentatively shifted his prone body. Sharp pains racked his entire right side and he drifted thankfully into sleep again. But not before he recognised the worried faces of his parents and his best friend standing vigil beside his bed.
* * * * *
When Curtis next awoke, he could hear soft music playing from a radio, classical music that made him cringe every time he sat in his father’s car. He popped open his eyes to glare at the offending piece of technology but caught sight of Zack instead. Zack was lounging in a chair placed next to his bed, reading a magazine. Mutely Curtis stared at his friend, a surge of warmth flooding his body, superceding the pain. He would have been perfectly happy to stay this way, watching over Zack as Zack had surely watched over him in the past. But Curtis must have made a sound, for the other teenager lifted his head and smiled.
"Hey, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" Eyes blinking away tears of relief, Zack squeezed Curtis’ hand. "You’ve been in and out for days."
"Hi," croaked Curtis. "Thirsty."
"Oh! Ok." Zack scrambled up to pour a glass of water from the jug nearby and positioned the straw near Curtis’ mouth.
"Thanks," Curtis mumbled. Noting Zack’s puffy red eyes, he added, "You were crying."
"No. I wasn’t," he hastily refuted. "I’ll go get your parents. They just went to the cafeteria for a bite. They’ve been so worried." He scrambled out of his chair, the screeching noise as the chair was dragged along the hospital floor terribly loud.
"Wait!" Curtis shouted hoarsely. "What about you? Were you worried about me?" He stared hard at Zack, diligently taking stock of every emotion that flickered past those sad eyes. Maybe he was terribly obtuse and blind in the past, but his eyes are wide open now. And it wasn’t too late to apologise, was it?
"Worried about you? No." He paused then amended, "Yeah, I was. You really scared all of us. When I reached the park and saw you lying there on the road... your blood," Zack drew in a shaky breath, closing his eyes.
‘You were there?’ Curtis wanted to ask but decided to postpone that question in favour of a far more urgent one. "How worried were you? Like I was your friend? Or brother? Or... as a lover?"
"What the hell are you talking about? Did the accident short-circuit your brain?" Zack laughed nervously, eyes flickering towards the exit. "Don’t mistake me for Claire."
"I’m not! You know it. Just tell me." Curtis shifted awkwardly in his bed, trying to sit upright. But searing pain raced through his right leg and he bit back a groan.
Zack rushed forward, helping Curtis lean against the headboard. "You ok?" he asked, face barely inches from Curtis. Then he seemed to remember their proximity and tried to move back. But Curtis had already captured his hand in a steely grip, refusing to let go.
"I better get the doctor. Maybe its time to take more pain meds or something. He said that your right leg had two hairline cracks. Other than that, you got quite a few bruises and small cuts. At least I think that’s what he said. I’ll get him."
"Stop running away! Just tell me the truth!" Curtis screamed hoarsely. "I’ll moan and bitch about the pain later. Please, I need to hear you say it. Are you or are you not in. love. with. me?"
Zack flopped gracelessly back onto the chair, his free hand covering his face as he softly confessed, "What do you want me to say? That I love you? Fine. I am, ok? I know its stupid. You already have her. And even if you aren’t with... there’s no way you would... I know that. I’m trying so hard not to feel this way about you but I can’t. But I’m trying. I swear, so just forget it, ok?"
"Zack..." Looking at the distraught hunched figure, trying to hide himself from the world, Curtis couldn’t help feeling heavy pangs of guilt weighing down his heart. ‘I’ve done this to him. Did it when I was telling him about my crush on Claire. Did it again when I asked for dating advice. And again when I happily recounted the dates. How could I?’ he asked himself.
Curtis yearned to wrap his arms around Zack, to apologise again and again until his throat was raw. But he needed to do it correctly and so he mulled over his thoughts before finally replying, "We’re constantly being taught what is the norm by the media, by parents and peers. Grow up, find a steady job, have one or a few good friends who will be with you through thick and thin. Fall in love with the prettiest girl in class, get married. And then raise kids together. The average suburban dream. And it was my dream too.
"I never thought I would find a best friend and love in one package. Never thought it could happen. So I never noticed-"
"I don’t believe you! Just because you feel guilty, you decide to lie to me? Or is it that Claire initiating the break up is too much for you to handle, so you’d rather pretend that you don’t love her?"
"That’s not what I said!"
"But that’s what you mean! How can you expect me to believe you magically had a change of heart?"
"My feelings for you has always been there! I just never recognised them for what they are. Claire complained that she was always second place compared to you. And she was right. Whenever I had some news to share, the first person I would call is you. If I felt bored, I would wonder to myself, ‘What is Zack doing right now?’ You are always in my thoughts!
"And when I woke up just now, I hated myself for hurting you, for worrying you. I never ever want to make you sad or angry or upset again. I..." Curtis paused in mid-speech, as Zack smiled, his eyes crinkling up the way they do when he’s really happy.
And the sight of that gorgeous smile was enough to make Curtis feel invincible. ‘I made him smile like that. Me!’ Feeling a burst of happiness, he mock-growled, "Is that mushy enough for you or do I have to utter the three words?"
Zack laughed and jokingly replied, "That depends on what three words you were thinking of. ‘I am hungry?’ No? How about ‘I am Superman?’" His fingers gently squeezed Curtis’ hand. "It doesn’t matter if you say it or not. I already know."
"Yeah well, action speaks louder than words, so come closer." Curtis boldly motioned for him to lean forward, though the former’s cheeks were flushed with heat.
Slowly, their faces inched closer, till their rapid breaths mingled. There was just half an inch separating their lips and Curtis craved to taste those slightly parted lips, wanting to prove what words could not. ‘Wait. Should I open my mouth or not? What happens if I have bad breath? I’ve been asleep for god knows how long, of course I have bad breath. Shit. I can’t ask for a time-out so that I pop a breath mint. Shit! Mmphhhh’
Zack had took the decision out of his hands and kissed him for the very first time. A soft, barely there kiss that only lasted for a second. But Curtis could feel the tingling of his lips long after, and he wanted, no, needed more. He tugged Zack down once again, lips meshing together as tongues duelled.
* * * * *
Curtis glanced at the wall clock again. Five-forty p.m. Five minutes from when he last checked the time. ‘Where the hell is Zack? He said he’d rush over here, once school was out.’ Curtis reached out and pulled out his handphone from the drawer. The tiny machine was of some comfort to his impatient self as he ran his fingers across Zack’s mobile number.
Someone rapped gently on the door. Startled, Zack quickly switched off his mobile and threw it back into the drawer. "Come in," he said, grinning. His smile faltered as he realised who it was.
Claire.
Awkward silence filled the room, as she stood in front of the hospital bed, not quite meeting his eyes. She had obviously came straight from school as she was still dressed in her school uniform, carrying a bulky canvas bag.
"How are you?" they both asked at the same time.
"I’m much better, thanks," answered Curtis. He noticed her eyes set on his leg cast, and cheerily replied, " That doesn’t hurt."
"Really?" She stepped forward, a hand reaching out as if to touch the cast, only to recoil as if the cast was molten lava. "I’m sorry. It’s my fault you got hurt. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have ran across the road and chased after me. It’s my fault!" Scalding hot tears of regret and guilt streaked past her cheeks, as she kept on apologising.
Curtis cursed his stupid injuries as they prohibited him from moving forward and gathering his distraught ex-girlfriend into his arms. All he could offer were words now. "No! It wasn’t. I was careless, that’s all." He tried to smile as he pointed at the cast. "Just a bit of bad luck. It’s not your fault, honest."
"But," she protested.
Curtis hastily interrupted, "It isn’t your fault. And I will keep on saying that until you believe me. So unless you want me to go hoarse..."
"Ok," she said, throwing her hands up in the air, as though she was surrendering. "I believe you." But deep down she knew she was responsible. And that nothing she could ever do or say could change what had occurred. Her heart sank as she realised this. Every part of her ached for his soothing touch but it was a privilege that she could no longer claim the right to. Not anymore.
Still she could not resist walking a few steps forward, to drop a light kiss onto his forehead. Images of their time spent together flooded her brain even as she moved towards the exit. "I’ve got to go. Uh... tuition," she mumbled, not brave enough to look at Curtis’ reaction. "So... get well soon, ok? I’ll see you at school." She hastily waved before grabbing her school bag and dashed off.
Just then Zack entered the room, the two almost collided, if not for the lightening quick reflexes of Zack. He watched as she ran out of the door and made a beeline for the lift. Zack turned back to Curtis, the question clear in Zack’s eyes.
"She came to apologise about the accident." His fingers rubbed at the spot where she had kissed him. "I told her it wasn’t her fault but she still feels guilty. I really don’t know how to convince her. It is over between us but I still feel... Its not love, I’m sure. Maybe a friendship born out of closeness. You understand? I don’t want to see her hurt, not because of me. I made a promise once not to hurt her but I did when I fell in love with you and still dated her. And now I did it again because I’m stupid enough not to look both ways before crossing the road."
Zack smiled and squeezed Curtis’ hand. "You want me to talk to her?"
"Would you?" Curtis glanced up at him with a hopeful gaze.
"Yes, I’ll do it. So stop it with those puppy dog eyes," Zack mock-grumbled.
"What puppy dog eyes?" Curtis asked innocently. And damn it, Zack swore that Curtis’ eyes looked even bigger than before.
"You know what I mean." He leaned down to kiss the infuriating patient. With a task at hand, Zack didn’t dare to linger at Curtis’ side long, although it was very tempting indeed. Their relationship was still very new and Zack was insecure enough to still feel threatened by Claire. But Claire was at the hospital silently watching over Curtis from a distance, every single day. While Zack had sat vigil next to Curtis’ bedside, she had kept watch outside. Any animosity that he felt towards her had been dampened by their mutual worry over Curtis’ health.
Zack took the lift downstairs, hoping to catch Claire at the taxi stand. But the taxi stand was empty. He walked back, past a girl and her father, disappointed. Sobs coming from the girl made him turn back to look. ‘Claire,’ he thought, recognising her hairstyle and the school uniform. He took a step towards them.
"What am I going to do? I miss him so much but I keep remembering the horrible sound of the car crashing onto him and the sight of all that blood on the road. Every time I close my eyes, that’s what I see."
Her father pulled her even closer, rocking her slightly. "Oh Claire, you’ll forget about it. Not instantly but you will. Once you see him healthy and whole, you’ll forget this whole incident. You weren’t the one behind the wheel, remember that. You aren’t the one who knocked him down. It’s just bad luck that he got injured. It’s not your fault at all."
"But daddy," she protested.
"Have I ever lied to you before?"
She shook her head.
"Then trust me in this as well. You will put this incident behind you. You didn’t cause it and the boy will recover. Ok?"
He gently let go of her and together they walked towards the car park. "And when your exams are over, I’ll take the whole family to Hong Kong. A short trip should do us all some good. And I promise not to complain even if your mother buys out the whole store."
Claire laughed, albeit a little strained, "Even if we max out your credit cards?"
But then the glass doors closed blocking out her father’s rejoinder. Zack heaved a sigh of relief as he made his way back to the hospital ward. Claire was going to be alright, he was sure of it.
* * * * *
(A year later)
Zack wound his arms around a sleepy Curtis, happiness bubbling inside as the former realised once again, how well their bodies fit together, as though they were meant to be together as one, right from creation. Curtis weakly protested, "Stop that. We’d end up sticking together." His arms feebly pushed at Zack’s chest.
Zack laughed and whispered, "I want us to stick together. Then we’ll go to school on Monday stuck like Siamese twins and then everyone will know about us."
"Idiot," scolded Curtis as he let himself be captured back into Zack’s warm embrace. Mere seconds later, he fell asleep.
Zack softly stroked Curtis’ back, marvelling at the events that had transpired to lead them here, from Curtis first girlfriend to his accident and even the past life dream Curtis had babbled about once before. Good or bad, they were all steps leading to this heaven he had found himself in. "Goodnight, love," he murmured into Curtis’ mused locks as he too succumbed to the lure of the Sandman.
* * * * *
Zi An slowly walked to the huddled figure hiding behind their bed. Zi An kneeled down and wrapped both arms tightly around his love for slightly more than a century. "Don’t be like this. Don’t make our last moments together be a fight," he pleaded.
"And whose fault it is that we only have one more day left together?" Ke Tin shouted, eyes cast directly forward, resisting the urge to turn around and scrutinise his lover’s features. "I may never get to see you again," he sobbed.
"Shhh... We’ll get reincarnated and then one day we’ll meet and we’ll fall in love all over again. Share our first kiss... Wouldn’t that be nice?" he persuaded.
"Why did you do it? Tell the King that we were ready to go?"
Zi An sighed. "Because I’m ashamed. I want to be the young and handsome man you fell in love with, not this grey old man with wrinkles and a scarred body."
Ke Tin wheeled around, tracing the other’s face with his fingertips. "You were never ugly to me. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed during the years you were away from me."
"Every time I look at the mirror, I wonder what you see in me. And how can I ever keep you with me. One day, you’ll surely wake up and see who I really am. An old man, clinging to a young man of twenty."
"You died when you’re fifty-two, not seventy. So don’t go sprouting nonsense about being old. I love you because you’re Zi An. And every wrinkle and strand of white hair tells me you have lived after the battle. You don’t know how grateful I am for that. To know that you were still living."
Zi An hugged him even tighter, letting his head rest on Ke Tin’s shoulders. "I’m sorry but I have to do this." He bit back sobs as he continued, " We’ll find each other again, I promise. A love like ours will never fade, ever."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Please trust me, Ke Tin. Place your faith in me and in our love."
"What if I forget? What if we became enemies?"
"Then I’ll remember our love, our passion for the both of us. And I’ll guard over those feelings and memories until you remember."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
* * * * *
The dream faded away as Zack slept on, smiling as he hugged a slumbering Curtis tighter.
* * * * *
The End
Author’s Notes
You know how people always compared writing to giving birth?
Well, this one really was a labour, it took me seven long months to complete! Seven! I actually had most of it done much earlier but then there was this one scene I just couldn’t write - the last scene of Claire visiting Curtis in the hospital. I had finished everything else, so it was difficult trying to create something that would tie in nicely with the rest of the story.
See you in my next fic!
Cass