PHONECALL TO HEAVEN ----------------------- A spammy fic about Michiru and Haruka by Cass ALERT! This fic has lesbian undertones. Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim all ownership of Sailor Moon the series. I'm just tweaking the anime storyline to fit my own non-profit purposes. Don't worry, Ms. Naoko Takeuchi, you'll get the characters back all in one piece. This I swear on all my tapes of Sailor Moon R and S. Note: I'm basing this on the anime version of Sailor Moon. C&C are most welcome. Send them to chiaty@singnet.com.sg Http://web.singnet.com.sg/~chiaty Flames will be used to warm up my freezing toes. --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hello, can I speak to..." "Hi, you have reached the Goddess Helpline. Pysche speaking," said the ultra sweet voice. "What? Uh, sorry wrong number," apologized Michiru. "No, wait. You have reached the Goddess Helpline. Please hold on, I will be with you-" "Wait! I watched that anime before. You're supposed to grant wishes right?" "Yes, one wish actually. I'll come out and-" "No need. I wish for Tenoh Haruka to love me, in the romantic sense." "But... but you're not supposed to wish for that!" sulked the voice. "I'm supposed to appear before your very eyes and you'll be so attracted to my etheral beauty that you'll wish for me to stay with you forever!" "Sorry, Pysche. I've made my wish." "But..." stammered the young goddess. "I can't perform love spells! None of us here at the Goddess Helpline have such a high clearance level." "You're a goddess, you should be able to grant any wish of mine. Aren't you?" "Well... To be honest, most of the mortals actually wished for us to stay with them, so that was what we were trained for." Michiru face-faulted. Quickly regaining her composure, she responded with another question, "But surely you have people asking for other things." "Yes, but nothing as complex as a love spell. You see, for a love spell to work and last, it takes a lot of concentration and skill. The spell caster also has to check for the compatibility of the couple." The syrupy voice paused for a moment, then cheerfully continued, "Why don't you make another wish? Uh, except for world peace. I can't grant that either." "No!" replied Michiru vehemently. "She's all that I ever wanted, all that I desired." "I understand," replied the voice. "I'll transfer you to someone who can help. Goodbye, Kaioh Michiru." "Thank you, " There was a brief pause then, loud music pounded out from the phone. "The Vengabus is coming. The Vengabus is coming..." Before Michiru had the chance to ponder over heaven's choice of music, Pysche sheepishly apologized. "Sorry, I got the wrong tape." Immediately, the peaceful, serene sound of harps could be heard. thought Michiru. "Hi, babes. Aphrodite, Goddess of Loovvveeee, speaking." The lovely voice took on a husky tone and continued, "I'm not in right now. Am currently overseeing (taking part in) an orgy. Hope to see you there!" Disappointed, Michiru sighed and was about to end the call when a voice slowly uttered in a detached tone, "If you hold on for five seconds, this phonecall will automatically be transferred to Cupid's Temple." True to its word, five seconds later, Cupid answered the phone. Surprisingly, his voice was a deep baritone, not what you would expect from a cherub little angel. "Yo, this is Cupid's temple. I'm too busy to come to the phone right now, so if you are Zeus, press '1'. If you are Aphropdite, press '2'. Only if it is an emergency, mom! If you are a hot babe and want to party, press '3'. If you are a hot dude and want to go out with me, sorry I don't lean that way. If you wish to send offerings, press '4' for more information. If there is a party going on, press '5'..." Left ear sore and throbbing, her arm cramping because of the lack of movement, she wanted to hang up. But she couldn't - not while there was still a slim chance. "...If you are a superhero or superheroine who wants me to help out in your lovelife or you'll be forced to think up of ways to hurt me, press '36'..." "Finally!" shouted Michiru and resisted the urge to do a celebratory dance. She quickly pressed the numbers '3' and '6'. "Yo, Cupid speaking." "Hello, Cupid. I wished for Tenoh Haruka to love me but Psyche at Goddess Helpline said she wasn't able to grant my wish." "And so, you were transferred here." "Yes. Could you please-" "No. What you are wishing for is true love, not the usual lust or affection. True love is a product of mortals' own hearts. My arrows do not possess such power. They can only induce affection or a healthy dose of lust." "But, you're Cupid! If you can't, then who can?" moaned Michiru. "Zeus. He has the power to sanction the union of two mortal hearts and souls. I'll transfer you to his secretary." The same heavenly music came on. "Hello, this is Zeus' personal secretary speaking. Do you have an appointment?" "Hi, my name is Kaioh Michiru. And no, I don't have an appointment." "Sorry, dear but Zeus is all booked up until 2100 AD. I have a timeslot available then, do you want it?" "No. Look, Cupid himself referred me to Zeus. Can't you let me speak to him for just a minute?" "Sorry, no." "But... I've went through so much! You have gotta let me talk to him." Desperate, Michiru shouted, "I'm Sailor Neptune! I've saved the world and slayed countless monsters! Surely I've earned the right to seek an audience with Zeus. You owe me, damn it!" "Oh, in what way exactly so you think I owe you?" a fierce voice asked loudly. She looked around. The voice seemed to be coming from the house itself. "Without me, this world would have been taken over by Mistress Nine a long time ago," replied Michiru confidently. "Who did you think gave you the power to transform into Sailor Neptune in the first place?" the voice boomed. "I know of your reason for calling and I refuse to perform the spell." "No! Wait!" begged Michiru but the house remained silent. "Zeus? Please answer me. I'll do anything to win her love. Please..." Sensing that all hope was lost, she replaced the phone back to its receiver and weeped. "Hey, Michiru, I'm back!" yelled Haruka as she juggled three grocery bags and her keys and struggled to lock the door at the same time. "Hey, what's wrong?" she softly asked as she embraced the sobbing woman. "I wished... you...love... Cupid couldn't... and then... Zeus said, 'NO!' " cried Michiru. Somehow, Haruka understood the gibberish her partner was sprouting and chuckled. "Silly girl. You already have my love. Don't you know that?" Speechless, Michiru stared at the blonde, her gaze conveying confusion, delight, nervousness and most of all, love. Haruka stared back at her partner, her best friend, for several long moments, revealing her thoughts and feelings with that heated gaze. Then Haruka smiled and proceeded to show just how much she loved her. Back in heaven, three gods and goddess were viewing the touching scene. "All's well that ends well," murmurred Psyche. "Just wait until young Haruka receives the phone bill," laughed Zeus. THE END