After the Stag/Hen Party held on the 29.11.96, Ananda (who happened to be our best man) wrote:

Hey guys now that I am rolling again with email... let me give a run down on the above event, especially for absent parties such as Mee Ngoh (Rose for the uninformed, and Rose is now in England doing her final year research).

The evening was planned through the collaboration of many devious mind, of which we are proud to have among us. Also through the caring thoughts of many to make an evening such as this possible. After a minor hick up involving my car, some keys and Phillippe Lim Hong Keng (not to be confused with any other Phillippe Lim Hong Keng), the evening got under way at 5:00 pm when the doors to Suite 323 of the Changi Meridien were opened. Mano and Andrea had picked up the food, Phillippe and I had the booze (^^). Miss Nurul and Miss Fam then strolled in from an awesome baju kurong shopping spree. then it was time for the arrival of Mademoseille Pojour (Poh Choo). She was the bringer of all things vegetable, all neatly packed in a suitcase just the right size to fit the overhead luggage compartment of any modern jetliner. The suitcase was almost dragged all the way from the town of red tomatoes (Ang Mo Kio, a town in Singapore) by MRT, if I hadn't spoilt it by suggesting a cab.

Everyone got busy getting the place ready for the pre-nuptial couple. The food was laid out to form a banquet size proportion of culinary delight. The only problem was to lay it out faster than it was being eaten by the hungry mob that was already gathered there. The room was decorated with appropriate paraphernalia. Of course the biggest problem was getting it up. Mano and I hadn't done this sort of thing for quite a while so we were a little rusty. The girls of course swore they had never done it before... yeah, sure right ! However, with some gentle persuasion from the girls we were on our way. After some huffing and puffing, Mano and I almost collapsed from one of the greatest blow jobs we had ever experienced. As we lay there spent, the girls got busy hanging up the condoms we had filled, all over the room. All this while Phillippe and Peng Hwee cut and pasted little heart shapes on the window... *sigh* With the sounds of TLC (tender loving care) singing 'Red Light Special' in the background and me in my chunk... err... I mean hunk... outfit, we were ready for the couple.

They were greeted by ooohs and aaahs from all present and also by room service bringing in the dessert. The to-be-bride was radiant, Haaris was dashing and the cheese cake looked just scrumptious. The girls presented Nina with a small peach number, a delicate peach lingerie with little room for imagination and ample room for.... Everyone was chanting for Nina to try it on for all to see.... well not everyone, just a few of us... well, okay, okay, not a few of us... just me, okay! For some reason it did not happen... drats!

We then moved on to Haaris. Good friends that we are, we wanted to prepare Haaris for married life. One of the most fundamental things of course is to make an erection. You can never go no place without an erection. The first time is never the best nor the easiest. So we handed Haaris his first job for the evening... a blow job. We pointed him to a hole and asked him to blow. With careful guidance and immoral support from his friends, Haaris was able to achieve an impressive stand. Nina was obviously pleased and relieved, of course... joy overcame her and she had another pawn.

Next was the lesson of safe sex. Even inside the sanctity of holy matrimony the lesson of safe sex are valuable... especially to prevent any accidents of the fertilized kind. And as you know you can never be too safe... so we handed Haaris this ultimate condom. Instruction on a normal condom would read "place condom over the head of the organ and pull it over the organ before sex". (This would, of course, still apply even if you only owned a piano... but that's another story.) This condom reads "place condom over your head and pull over entire body before sex". Stretch... wriggle... stretch and Haaris was finally in. You could see he was uncomfortable using the condom, but then again, aren't we all. There's nothing like the freedom of being unsheathed... ah but... *sigh*. Not to digress... having fit in so snuggly, you could see Haaris was perspiring from all the activities. To ensure the safest sex possible we handed Haaris his newly erected 6 foot tool for the job. Maximum satisfaction delivered... maximum protection for all. (He was later given a private lecture on the singular joys of a hand job by Chin.)

The food was then served, and the bar was swinging. Madam Pojour was manning... or rather womanning the bar. The food was great and the booze a fitting accompaniment (... any excuse!). Now it was time for the baju kurong tryouts.

Sam and Jalilah were kind enough to bring a selection of baju kurong melayu for all to try. There were all kinds of colours, designs and sizes.

Martin tried out his and found that it was too short for him, we took him to the bedroom and screwed his arms and legs tightly into his body, now it's perfect fit. He finds it a little hard riding his motorcycle now (cannot reach the pedals) but you cannot have everything... sheeeeesch!

Madam Pojour had a lovely bright red outfit, Jalilah had a yellow one and Mano a brilliant green one. They were overheard planning to go down to the nearest intersection and confuse the motorists.

The kids looked great in their outfits too, especially holding water filled condoms against them. Some creative parent (I will not mean Sam's name and embarrass him!) had even put some orchids into the water filled rubber. It looked quite lovely actually, but what we could not figure out was how he got it in there in the first place! Anyway we did not really want to know. Nicole and the other kids were fascinated by these strange objects. Nicky was seen having a inflated condom fight with long nose aunty. Nur'an and Hidayatt were seen carrying colourful water filled ones all across the room. The mothers were seen cringing in the corner at the sight. Everyone was seen avoiding questions on what those cute things were actually used for.

Question and Answer time! We decided to enhance marital bliss for our two friends... actually we were gambling double to nothing! Andrea and I retired to the toilet to formulate questions to be asked of Haaris and Nina separately to see if they could come up with the same answer... devious huh? After wrecking our brains for a full ten minutes (not hard to do) and flushing the toilet twice by accident every time I leaned back, the questions were ready.

I interrogated Haaris in my toilet and Andrea did it in the bedroom with Nina. I warned Haaris on the perils of getting the answers anything less than perfect and also not to flush the toilet by accident. After sweating some bullets and flushing the toilet in spite of my warnings, Haaris had all the answers... but were they the right answers?

The couple were seated on bar stool in view of everyone, while the inquisitors unveiled the answers:

First Kiss? Where? When?
First 'I Love You'?
What happened immediately prior to the first 'I Love You'? (my personal favourite)
The most romantic moment?
The most embarrassing moment? (not counting then)
Sexual fantasies? (hot hot hot hot)

Haaris was getting into all kinds of trouble as the answers were unveiled... he already had three or four daggers buried deep up his... ahem... in his chest, when out from deep inside he pulls out a couple of winners... saved by the skin of his tits... I mean... teeth. The couple were then reunited and the break out in song dedicated to their sinister friends who put them through all this.

They presented the bridesmaid - Nurul with a book and me - the best man with a lovely picture of yours truly, the bride-to-be. Deeply touched... happy tear... sob!

Meanwhile, back at the bar drinks with condom stirrers were being merrily served. Why merrily? It would seem that the bar person had been nipping at the merchandise. Throes of hearty laughter rings out from behind the bar in a French accent.

By now the party was really going... Chin was doing the belly dance. Someone told me there was a red ruby in the belly button, but I could not see it for the hair. That was one hairy belly button!

Time was approaching the pumpkin hour... (Cinderella, Cinder#@%&$rella) and the party was really going... I mean like they were going out the door. The Squirrels left, followed by Sam and family, and then the rest followed by the couple of honour. All that was left after that were Nurul, Pojour, Mano and myself. We sat and talked of life, love and the Universe till the wee hours of the morning and wound down the party of a land mark event, the final party for my dear friends Haaris and Nina in their single hood. Good Luck on the next significant step!

I would like to thank all who were there in flesh or in spirit. It was truly amazing to have friends like you guys. A special thanks to Haaris and Nina for being such sports.