This literary piece has been around for some time. However, I came
across it
again today and thought that it IS worthing sending out again.
The article is actually titled "Europe English" at http://www.ahajokes.com/eng011.html
but I have changed the title here.
The new EU [German] English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in
plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach
the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage
the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in
the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During
ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem
vil finali kum tru! And zen world!