Embarrassed A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

My Son the BEST Four mothers got together and were discussing their sons. "Our family has Royal blood," said the first proud woman. "When my son enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh, Your Highness'" The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Excellency'" "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Eminence'" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is short, weighs 185 kilos, and bald. People actually WORSHIPS him" she said, "When he enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh My God!'"

Temptation A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. `Forgive us our trespasses.'" When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. `Lead us not into temptation.'"

Logo of MERCEDES The Heir of the founder of the luxury car, Mercedes Benz was not only proud of his car but also all his staff. One fine day, he decided to make a trip down to the company's plant to interact with the workers. All the top managers upon knowing his rare appearance to the plant were very excited about it and made sure they prepared their workers for the Chairman arrival. At the plant, the Chairman posed a very simple question to his managers, "who can tell me what the Mercedes circular insignia at the front of the car represents?" All the managers were dumbfounded. Just then, a young sleepy chap amongst the workers was quick to answer, "Oh that's simple, u fools. It stands for: 8 o'clock start work, 12 o'clock lunch & 5 o'clock go back!"

Wasn't here this morning! An American is in Singapore for a short stay. He gets into a cab and asks the driver to show him the sights. The cabby first takes him to Orchard road. "What's that?" says the American. "Oh, that's Takashimaya shopping center. It's a shopping complex with over 300 stores." "Gollee," drawls the American. "How long do you reckon it took to put?" "Oh, I dunno," replies the cabby. "About two years, I think." "TWO years!" exclaims the American. "Why, in American, we would out that up in less than ONE year!" The cabby continues on the tour and passes by Shenton Way. "What's tat?" says the American, craning his neck and looking up. "Oh, That's the UOB Building. It's got 70 stories and about 10,000 people work in that one building." "Mah Goodness," drawls that American. "How long do you reckon it took to put that up?" The cabby, not wanting to be outdone this times, said, "Oh, I seem to remember that going up in about six months." "Six Months!" exclaims the American. "Why, in American, we could put up that building in THREE months!" The cabby is now getting a little annoyed. He turns west and takes his passenger by AYE. "Golleee," drawls the American, looking 1,800 feet up to the top of the tower, "What's that?" "I dunno," says the cabby. "It wasn't here this morning."

Lipstick on the Mirror A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick. That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror!

Electrical Engineer A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in. "No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forwards. "Do you have anything you want to say?", asked the executioner "No, just get on with it." reply the biologist. The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released. Then the electrical engineer was brought forwards. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner. "Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."