A) Evaluate the communication quotient of your marriage.
1)On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your communication with your spouse?
0               5               10
very poor       average         excellent

2) Is your communication with your spouse improving, deteriorating or
stagnating ?
0               5               10
decreasing      same            improving

B) What happens when couples do not communicate effectively.
1) Issues remain unclarified (Prov. 18:17)
2) Wrong ideas are uncorrected.
3) Conflicts and misunderstandings are unresolved (Matt.5:23-26)
4) Confusion and disorder occurs (1 Cor 14:33,40)
5) Wise decision-making is thwarted (Prov 18:13)
6) The development of unity and intimacy is hindered (Amos 3:3)
7) Boredom, discontentment and frustration develop.
8) Interpersonal problems pile up and barriers become higher and wider.
9) Temptation for extra-marital affairs increases.
10) Total breakdown can occur leading to estrangement and divorce.

C) The different methods in communicating:
1) Body language: eyes (wink, closed)
                  facial expression ( smiles, frown)
                  other parts of body ( the way you stand, folded arms)
2) Verbal: tone of voice (harsh/ soft)
           words (what you say or not say)
           expression ( how you say it, demanding/ courteous)
3) Written: notes, letters
4) Listening (to listen clearly and attentively is more important than speaking)
              (James 1:19)
5) Others: by a gift
           by giving practical help
           by being present or absent
           by physical expression of a touch, a pat or a hug.
           by the use of our talents and gifts
           by our willingness/unwillingness to care/share.

D) Practical i): Discover and list the following items about your spouse.
                 Talk with him about these things and be concern about
                 the things that concern him.

   1) Chief interests/hobbies
   2) Greatest fears
   3) Greatest likes
   4) Greatest dislikes
   5) Greatest aspiration/ambition
   6) Greatest disappointments
   7) Greatest joys.


E)
             ii)  Make a list of what, when and how you have criticised
                  your spouse this week. (remember: to see God changing
                  a relationship, start with yourself)

             iii) Make a list you can do to please your spouse. (Phil 2:3,4)
                  (put the list into practice this week)

Back to Family Link home page