Puntsog's Thought
Feeling wretched sitting here on my cushion in the hall, I
questioned myself thus;
It is already seven years and what have I got?
Pretentious in appearance, I created bad karma.
In gathering friends around me I acted like a shameless one.
Oh great Buddha above me, have mercy and guide me.
Knowing the intent of your precious teaching, I still stray from
it.
Being afraid of loneliness, I still associate with fools
Craving for my senses, I break the precepts
Ignorant of nature, I cling on to the worldly activities
Such shameless actions, I can still explain through deceitful
usage of the precious Dharma
Oh precious Guru, do not forsake me, guide me towards the path of
light
and look over me just as a mother will for her only son.
What am I doing now?
Shamelessly , am I making the holy one accountable for my
misdeed.
I remember now, I was taught the very first day that liberation
is my own responsibility!
So what am I doing Now!?
Such prayers were repeated many times before,
moving lips, empty heart, what use is it?
Empty feeling, defeated, I sit here.
Wretched, wretched, wretched!!
Tears flow and heart ached.
What am I to do now…….
Lost, lost, lost
The sound of distant mantra take shape.
Memories of earlier days flashed.
Simple hearted recitation without much expectation.
I remember now, those were the beautiful time
when feeling of joy arises whenever Dharma is heard.
Why is it so different now?
Why, why, why ?
Through the merit of my earlier days practice
Indeed my life had improved.
Yet instead of cultivating harder, I became proud.
Walking like a peacock, I shamelessly strut the temple hall
Not understanding much, I mouthed empty talk.
Oh what have I done to myself ?
With a little experience, I am contented
Just like a fool who treated his dreams to be real
I had ceased applying the holy Dharma
Sincere remorse filled my heart.
With this, I threw away the heavy mask I wore
I am far from perfect after all.
Lightness, lightness, lightness
I prayed again once more,
With sincere heart, mantra is formed
With sincere mind, I try to see.
The world melted as craving is absent
free from bond the mind is clear
Expecting nothing, experience unfold…….
There he is , my precious Guru
Sitting on the throne, how majestic he looked
Kneeling in front of him, I repeated my prayers.
Great precious one, do not leave me anymore
stay by my side and guide me well
I shall be good and do as you say
Please be merciful and forgive my misdeed
do not forsake me just because I have misdeed
I shall be good and do as you say.
Dear son, I have never left you once rather it is you, who
chose not to see nor listen
Though the words were soft and kind
they sounded like thunder in my heart
Compassionate is my Guru father who watches me like his only son
Yet an ungrateful brat I am, I turned my back to him due to
pride.
Tears flow. Joy and relieve
All is my own doing cos dharma is from within
never can I part from them unless I choose it myself
I must be diligent and work hard from now !