Tired of people borrowng pens, markers and staplers and not returning them, our department secretary, Joan, put her name on all her stationery. When some of her colleagues still failed to return what they'd borrowed, she stuck on her possessions a label that read : "Stolen from Joan."

As she sat down to write a letter, my wife asked me the date. "Take a look at that newspaper on the floor," I replied. "That's no good," she said, picking it up, "it's yesterday's."